Paul Weber moved to Fitzwilliam, New Hampshire from Manhattan in 1980. He had worked on the floor of the stock exchange and the pressures of the job had forced him to leave and find less stressful employment. His partner, Jim, was still working but they chose to retire to Fitzwilliam, came up and purchased a lovely old house in the center of town. Paul stayed and Jim returned to New York for another year or two and then he also retired and moved to New Hampshire.
Kay and I met Paul and Jim at a town yard sale and we became friends for life. Jim illustrated all of my books and did an especially fine job on "Sisters by Heart" - my book about our gay relationship. We saw a lot of the two guys - having dinner at one another's house throughout every year.
In 1997 Jim developed late-in-life adult leukemia....he doctored for a couple of years but finally gave up on blood transfusions, went into the hospital and quietly bled to death. Kay and I were named executors of his estate but he everything in such good order, there was very little to do except keep Paul's head above water.
Paul had never balanced a check book, paid any bills or handled investments. Jim, who was over 20 years older, had taken care of him 100%. Paul was working the night shift as a housekeeper at Franklin Pierce College in Rindge, NH and allowed Jim to dote on him.
Consequently, Paul was a ship lost at sea until he found a new partner, Clay, about five years ago. By that time, Paul had gotten a good understanding of finances and took to it all very successfully. He purchased a summer home on a lake and was in the midst of having it renovated when he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer - which had spread to his liver. This was all six months ago and he now is in the same hospital where Jim died, has refused any further treatment except morphine and will quietly pass away in a short time.
My heart bleeds for this man who finally had so much to live for and will never be able to do it. Did I say he had also adopted an elderly dog who will now live out his years with Clay.....
It's things like this that make you think about your own life and are we ever prepared to move into the next one? A same-sex partner is a precious thing because one faces so many road blocks that draw you closer to your partner for different reasons than heterosexual couples.
Please visit "Sisters by Heart" and see Jim's artistic work that helped make the book such a treasure. And "Good night, Paul. I love you."
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About Us
- Sisters by Heart - Partners in Aging
- New Hampshire, United States
- Mary Lou Fuller and Kay Amsden, both in their 70's, began their writing, editing and publishing careers after retirement. These two unique Yankees have found that despite the differences in their backgrounds and personalities, working together on this common goal has many benefits. Regardless of their age, Mary Lou and Kay draw vigor from their endeavors and have managed to keep the sands in the hour glass of aging on hold.
1 comment:
My thoughts are with him and all of you who love him.
I think it's important for us to look at our long term relationships as "real" and attend to the practical as well as the emotional parts of the relationship - having adequate paperwork drawn to protect our estates and our partner's share of those estates.
Maybe one day, we'll actually be on a level playing field and it will all be presumptive, but that's still a long way down the line.
I also emailed you regarding your media inquiry. The email listed in the inquiry kicked the message back as undeliverable.
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