SIX MONTHS AND GROWING

Tuesday, July 1, 2008 is the six-month anniversary of Civil Unions in New Hampshire. Since then over 400 same-sex couples have had the ceremony which is an indication of how important this new law turned out to be.

A reporter from the Concord Monitor came to the house this past week to interview us. Kay and I had a Civil Union back in February and the reporter's questions were all about any ways the CU might have changed our lives. First of all, we expressed the almost immediate feeling of validation as a same-sex couple, in some subliminal fashion we found ourselves holding our heads up higher, sensing a more equal status with the rest of our community and experiencing the freedom to hug each other if we had a sudden emotional high.

These were important steps forward for us at our ages even though we've been together for 28 years. It's such a revolutionary time for folks from our generation who spent so many years playing a role and keeping a foot in two worlds - Gay and Straight.

From a legal standpoint, the CU has not had an impact so far although we carry small laminated copies of our CU certificates in our wallets just in case we're challenged anywhere.

We've done everything we can to be recognized as a couple. We had a Union Blessing Ceremony in 2006 in the sanctuary of our church and now the Civil Union. We hope and pray at some point down the road we'll be entitled to Federal benefits such as inheriting the Social Security benefits of a deceased partner. But for now, we feel extremely blessed.

IS THERE A GAY BRAIN?

This is today's question picked up from the Washington Post by our local newspaper, The (New Hampshire) Concord Monitor. The findings were based on MRI studies that compared the brains of 25 straight men and 25 straight women with those of 20 gay men and 20 gay women. The findings - fasten your seat belts - gay men tended to have brains more like those of straight women than straight men. Gay women's brains tended to be more like those of straight men. Whoopee!!

I'm very distressed because there are a ton of macho, overbearing and despicable straight men whose brains I'd do anything to avoid, let alone being held up as a match for my brain.

In some research circles, the findings are viewed as an explanation for why gay men respond to emotional stimuli as a straight woman would and gay women's emotional responses are more like those of a straight man. It also shows why gay men have verbal and other cognitive skills that tend to be more like women's.

This confirms why like attracts like and why same-sex partners get along so much better than heterosexual couples - they're not always playing mind games, vying for power in the relationship and are sympathetic to one another's feelings. These are my findings after been in a gay relationship with Kay for almost 30 years and having had two failed opposite-sex marriages. Amen.

UNFAIR POLITICS

I'm really not a political buff but I was interested to read in the latest Lesbian Connection (more familiarly known as LC or Elsie), that the same-sex partner of Lesbian Tammy Baldwin, Representative from Wisconsin, was not allowed to travel with her on a congressional delegation to France because House rules do not recognize domestic partners as spouses. The first really great thing I've read about Nancy Pelosi is that she submitted a written request to the secretary of defense to waive the rule. It worked!!

The other political boo-boo has nothing to do with GLBT affairs but lots to do with racial slurs. This time it's about a creator of campaign buttons in Texas whose latest button creation says, "If Obama wins will it still be called the White House?" What a tragedy to cast such aspersions on an individual! The Republican Party is being blamed naturally but who cares it's the mean-spiritedness of the question that rankles. Sounds like Texas still living in the "dark" ages?

This Blog would not be complete without mentioning the tribute to Tim Russert that took place yesterday. I couldn't take my eyes off the TV screen as the eulogies rolled on and on. I loved to watch Russert whenever he took on the task of unraveling a political scenario. He was always right on and spoke plainly so even the politically naive, like me, could understand.

CALIFORNIA BLOOMING

Monday, June 16, 2008 at 5 p.m., California made history in legalizing marriage for same-sex couples in that state.

The traditional marriage license was changed to read Party A and Party B in place of "Bride" and "Groom". Here in New Hampshire we were referred to as Person A and Person B which to me is a lot more realistic designation. I would have preferred "Wife A" and "Wife B" but I wasn't invited to offer an opinion. Anyway I was so happy to have the ceremony at our ages and in our lifetimes it didn't matter.

Parties A and B in California who were the first to tie the knot are women Kay and I met a long time ago at a Lesbian Celebration in Provincetown, MA called Golden Threads. Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, both in their late 80's, have been together 55 years. God Bless them!! The 28 years Kay and I have been together dwindles in comparison.

A word to all couples who have either a marriage or civil union certificate and who might ever be questioned by any authority as to their right to visit in ICU, request medical records for their spouse, make any decisions that might be challenged legally do what we did - have a photocopy made of your certificate, reduce it to wallet size, laminate it and carry it in your wallets at all times. A friend in MA needed to pick up her wife's x-rays and deliver them to a hospital in which her spouse was confined. She was denied access to the x-rays and had to return home and get their license and take it back for proof she was within her legal rights to obtain the x-rays.

My wish for all same-sex California couples is recognize what you have, feel larger than life as you walk with your heads held higher than ever......I salute you and raise a toast to happiness in your new found legal status.

And now let's get those Federal rights that would entitle us to over 1,000 benefits not offered by the individual states.

LESBIANS OVER 60 GATHER IN CALIFORNIA

Here's something for all women whether part of a same-sex couple and/or single women living an alternative lifestyle - just so you're over 60!!!

California Dreaming: Building a Better World for Old Lesbians will take place July 30 - August 3, 2008 at the Hacienda Hotel near the Los Angeles Airport.

This four-day gathering, hosted by OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change) will bring together Lesbians from across the country to learn, be entertained and be with women like themselves.

Entertainment will include singer and raconteur, Alix Dobkin, comedian and activist, Robin Tyler, as well as the Los Angeles Women's Community Chorus plus the OLOC Chorus.

REGISTRATION INFO or FOR MORE INFORMATION - www.oloc.org, Email: info@oloc.org, Call toll free: 888-706-7506, Write: OLOC, PO Box 5853, Athens, Ohio, 45701. Registration before July 10: $225. (Some scholarships available)

Enjoy!!

NEW YORK TIMES HEALTH ARTICLE JUNE 10, 2008

A Gay friend forwarded this article to me in which studies show that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Committed Gay couples and committed straight couples show surprising differences!! (We already knew that, didn't we?) But the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.

University of Vermont Professor said, "How people care for each other, how they share responsibility, power and authority are the key issues in relationships." (We're certainly head and shoulders above straight couples at all of the preceding)

The stereotype for same-sex relationships is that they do not last, but that may be due to the lack of legal and social recognition given to same-sex couples. (Hear, Hear!!)

I was already holding my head high about my gay relationship with Kay and didn't need this article to convince me that the 28-year relationship we've had hasn't been over 100% better than either of the heterosexual marriages I was in and it all comes down to what the UVM professor had to say.

WE'RE HAVING A HEAT WAVE

We're in our fourth day of heat in the 90's. But there are no complaints coming from this Blogger. The news from around the world is so devastating - and here in our country as well with storms, earthquakes, earthquakes, war, starvation, etc. that I feel grateful to be here in the heat.

Also, we are now moving forward into a real presidential campaign and I listened to McCain this morning extolling the virtues of Hillary Clinton and got to thinking what a ticket they would make because it seems a foregone conclusion that Obama won't have her on the ticket for fear of Bill setting up his own White House across the street on Pennsylvania Avenue.

The price of gasoline is climbing - in some places here in New England it's over $4/gallon. Kay and I are former campers and drove a RoadTrek down and back to Florida every year. We loved camping and I'm sure there are hundreds of RV owners who have had to cancel their trips this summer and what a shame because it's a really lovely and exciting way to see the USA on your own terms. It's also a nice way to travel if you take a pet and we always take Rosey wherever we go.

This year we're renting a cottage in nearby Warner, NH for two weeks in August. It's about a half hour from where we live here in Concord and yet it's like stepping into another world because of being right on the water. Plus the owners are very accepting of our Sisters by Heart gay relationship and our little Yorkie.

FOR A GAY FRIEND

Paul Weber moved to Fitzwilliam, New Hampshire from Manhattan in 1980. He had worked on the floor of the stock exchange and the pressures of the job had forced him to leave and find less stressful employment. His partner, Jim, was still working but they chose to retire to Fitzwilliam, came up and purchased a lovely old house in the center of town. Paul stayed and Jim returned to New York for another year or two and then he also retired and moved to New Hampshire.

Kay and I met Paul and Jim at a town yard sale and we became friends for life. Jim illustrated all of my books and did an especially fine job on "Sisters by Heart" - my book about our gay relationship. We saw a lot of the two guys - having dinner at one another's house throughout every year.

In 1997 Jim developed late-in-life adult leukemia....he doctored for a couple of years but finally gave up on blood transfusions, went into the hospital and quietly bled to death. Kay and I were named executors of his estate but he everything in such good order, there was very little to do except keep Paul's head above water.

Paul had never balanced a check book, paid any bills or handled investments. Jim, who was over 20 years older, had taken care of him 100%. Paul was working the night shift as a housekeeper at Franklin Pierce College in Rindge, NH and allowed Jim to dote on him.

Consequently, Paul was a ship lost at sea until he found a new partner, Clay, about five years ago. By that time, Paul had gotten a good understanding of finances and took to it all very successfully. He purchased a summer home on a lake and was in the midst of having it renovated when he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer - which had spread to his liver. This was all six months ago and he now is in the same hospital where Jim died, has refused any further treatment except morphine and will quietly pass away in a short time.

My heart bleeds for this man who finally had so much to live for and will never be able to do it. Did I say he had also adopted an elderly dog who will now live out his years with Clay.....

It's things like this that make you think about your own life and are we ever prepared to move into the next one? A same-sex partner is a precious thing because one faces so many road blocks that draw you closer to your partner for different reasons than heterosexual couples.

Please visit "Sisters by Heart" and see Jim's artistic work that helped make the book such a treasure. And "Good night, Paul. I love you."

THE CANDIDATES SPEAK OUT

In the Spring 2008 issue of Equality, a publication of the Human Rights Campaign, both Clinton and Obama were interviewed on a number of issues I was very interested in reading about. My primary concern is the over 1,000 Federal Benefits to which same-sex couples are not entitled.

When asked about her support of full benefits for Gay couples, Clinton responded - "I believe Civil Unions are the way to achieve this goal. I will fight for equality of Federal benefits for same-sex couples in committed, stable relationships including the Social Security survivors' benefits."

Obama's answer to the same question was, "We must give committed same-sex couples equal rights under Federal law. If half of the Fortune 500 companies have figured out how to treat Gay couples equally, the Federal government can too."

So there you have it - either candidate plans to at least give lip-service to our cause but according to today's news, it will be Obama we'll be watching to see if he follows through. Of course it's a states' rights issue really so where can we go but at least vote for Obama which will create a block of Gay votes to give him the ammunition to fight for us.