I've been told "writing let's out the soul". As I write this Blog entry, my 80th birthday is on the horizon. I'm totally amazed at my ability to keep up with the new and exciting world of Blogging, Podcasting, Blog Blasting and Feed Burning!
There is a tsunami of seniors standing on the brink of discovering what new technologies can, and will, do for them. Even as we age, our mental powers are amazingly elastic. The excitement of learning and doing something new is exhilarating.
My same sex partner, Kay, is also my helpmate as I stick my toe in the waters of the future. One of the many strengths of adult alternative lifestyles, is the encouragement and support we offer one another.
Best of all, she's my partner in aging.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
Our mothers were both approaching 90 when Kay and I met. We jollied them into more adventures than they probably ever wanted. A memorable trip was to Mt. Washington where we picnicked at the base of the mountain. We ate surrounded by the aura cast by the magnificence of that icon with the cross-hatching of Cog Railway tracks snaking up its side. It seemed we were frozen in time as the view continued as far as the eye could see.
Age had nothing to do with it: we were together. Four women. Two running ahead in age, two trying to hold them back and keep them young as long as they could. And all of it for no other reason than "your daughter's your daughter for the rest of her life".
When it happened, losing our mothers was devastating. We'd had them for so long and were so old ourselves, it seemed we all should have gone on forever. It was then Kay and I discovered a new dimension in the caring we shared for each other. A gentleness - a pastel softness in the glare of all else in our lives. We had become sisters by heart - partners in aging.
Age had nothing to do with it: we were together. Four women. Two running ahead in age, two trying to hold them back and keep them young as long as they could. And all of it for no other reason than "your daughter's your daughter for the rest of her life".
When it happened, losing our mothers was devastating. We'd had them for so long and were so old ourselves, it seemed we all should have gone on forever. It was then Kay and I discovered a new dimension in the caring we shared for each other. A gentleness - a pastel softness in the glare of all else in our lives. We had become sisters by heart - partners in aging.
Friday, January 25, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
When I moved into Kay's house in Durham, New Hampshire, I left behind a challenging, rewarding and lucrative career in Human Resources in the private sector. When I first applied at the University of New Hampshire, none of my past experience qualified me for a position that paid a salary equal to what I had left behind.
It's amazing what one can get used to. At first the transition from the businesslike hustle-bustle of the private sector confused me, but then I began to enjoy the slower pace of academe. I discovered I was a pretty flexible "older worker".
Inanimate things put in a box and transported one hundred miles away, then taken out and arranged on new shelves and in new drawers, takes nothing away from them.
A person similarly transported has more to cope with. The effect on the human spirit, psyche and sensitivity is profound as one tries to fit one's square being into the round hole of a new environment.
I said to Kay, "We have no shared memories or bedrock to anchor us during this emotional upheaval we're going through. Help me." I reached out - her hand was there. It still is. This is the basis of a same-sex relationship.
It's amazing what one can get used to. At first the transition from the businesslike hustle-bustle of the private sector confused me, but then I began to enjoy the slower pace of academe. I discovered I was a pretty flexible "older worker".
Inanimate things put in a box and transported one hundred miles away, then taken out and arranged on new shelves and in new drawers, takes nothing away from them.
A person similarly transported has more to cope with. The effect on the human spirit, psyche and sensitivity is profound as one tries to fit one's square being into the round hole of a new environment.
I said to Kay, "We have no shared memories or bedrock to anchor us during this emotional upheaval we're going through. Help me." I reached out - her hand was there. It still is. This is the basis of a same-sex relationship.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
The name tags we wear when we're presenting our programs and workshops, read "Partners in KALM Publishing". What the tags don't say is that we're also partners in life.
In the heat of the moment when we're in a public forum, I can feel Kay's eyes. I can feel her smile. I can feel her pride.
If I'm making a sale, reading aloud from one of my books or behind the microphone at a podium, I don't dare respond to those vibrations. I could lose my place or my train of thought, but I know she's the wind beneath my wings.
Life has to have meaning. Being important to each other is just one of the ways we bring meaning to our lives. We have serenity and great contentment in the challenges and pleasured we have shared.
With age has come wisdom and integrity and the ability to speak our minds. It's no longer a secret that we live for each other.
In the heat of the moment when we're in a public forum, I can feel Kay's eyes. I can feel her smile. I can feel her pride.
If I'm making a sale, reading aloud from one of my books or behind the microphone at a podium, I don't dare respond to those vibrations. I could lose my place or my train of thought, but I know she's the wind beneath my wings.
Life has to have meaning. Being important to each other is just one of the ways we bring meaning to our lives. We have serenity and great contentment in the challenges and pleasured we have shared.
With age has come wisdom and integrity and the ability to speak our minds. It's no longer a secret that we live for each other.
Monday, January 21, 2008
WWW.KALMPUBLISHING.COM
When Kay I formed KALM Publishing, Dot.Com was unknown to us. We were still back in the dark ages using a word processor to produce manuscripts that weren't camera-ready.
When I was 72 we finally caught up with the times - it was just before Sisters by Heart came out in 2001. We picked up the phone, called Gateway, and ordered a PC. When the boxes with their Holstein cattle decor were stacked in our tiny living room, we wondered what we had done.
We opened all the boxes and quickly found, unlike many mail orders, all the parts were included and went together smoothly. Within two hours our Gateway was up and running - including the printer.
The PC became our only official piece of office equipment. We used our five-foot dining room table as a partner's desk. It was only when company arrived that we got out our laundry baskets and packed up the mess of papers and books to uncover the table beneath. As the door closed behind our departing guests late in the evening, we wallowed in the delight in reclaiming the table with its disarray.
Finally we had to put an extra leaf in the table in order to accommodate our business sprawl. There was still another leaf in the storage shed but already our arms weren't long enough to pass things back and forth. A pneumatic tube would have been the only answer!
Humor inspired Sisters by Heart. After all the crises and near-catastrophes, when the shouting had all died away, there was always the ability to laugh - together, at ourselves and certainly at one another.
Without a doubt, the reservoir of adrenaline that has built up in us is the result of the fun and satisfaction we have derived in almost thirty years of applying our individual talents to a common goal.
When I was 72 we finally caught up with the times - it was just before Sisters by Heart came out in 2001. We picked up the phone, called Gateway, and ordered a PC. When the boxes with their Holstein cattle decor were stacked in our tiny living room, we wondered what we had done.
We opened all the boxes and quickly found, unlike many mail orders, all the parts were included and went together smoothly. Within two hours our Gateway was up and running - including the printer.
The PC became our only official piece of office equipment. We used our five-foot dining room table as a partner's desk. It was only when company arrived that we got out our laundry baskets and packed up the mess of papers and books to uncover the table beneath. As the door closed behind our departing guests late in the evening, we wallowed in the delight in reclaiming the table with its disarray.
Finally we had to put an extra leaf in the table in order to accommodate our business sprawl. There was still another leaf in the storage shed but already our arms weren't long enough to pass things back and forth. A pneumatic tube would have been the only answer!
Humor inspired Sisters by Heart. After all the crises and near-catastrophes, when the shouting had all died away, there was always the ability to laugh - together, at ourselves and certainly at one another.
Without a doubt, the reservoir of adrenaline that has built up in us is the result of the fun and satisfaction we have derived in almost thirty years of applying our individual talents to a common goal.
Friday, January 18, 2008
CAMPING WITH LOVE
In, Sisters by Heart, the book about our gay relationship, I talk about Camping with Love.
In the book I describe the joy of camping Kay and I have experienced during the thirty years of our same sex partnership.
We started camping in a 32-foot Dolphin and quickly dubbed her "Dolly". From then on all successive RV's were called Dolly regardless of their origin of manufacture.
Over the years we've weathered breakdowns of all imaginable sorts but we have also seen incredible sights and enjoyed memorable adventures traveling up and down the East Coast of the U.S.
Campgrounds have two types of sites: back-ins and pull-throughs. It takes great finesse to back a large RV into a campsite but Kay was equal to it. Of course, she needed a 'monbacker and that's where I came in.
The 'monbacker stands at the rear of the RV, clearly visible to the driver in one of the rear view mirrors. My first shout of "'monback" was packed with power as it set off the RV's backward motion. My arm movements were carefully coordinated with loud cries of "'monback, 'monback". It was vital that I shift my head and eyes as the vehicle approached to be sure no low-hanging trees wiped out our TV antenna or roof vents.
Kay was especially alert for any interference from male campers who sat and watched her parking finesse from neighboring campsites. When we didn't cry for help, their egos must have been crushed!
Once the RV was secure in its space, the 'monbackers job was over. I had made a satisfying contribution and I savored it all the way to my glass of wine at Happy Hour!!
In the book I describe the joy of camping Kay and I have experienced during the thirty years of our same sex partnership.
We started camping in a 32-foot Dolphin and quickly dubbed her "Dolly". From then on all successive RV's were called Dolly regardless of their origin of manufacture.
Over the years we've weathered breakdowns of all imaginable sorts but we have also seen incredible sights and enjoyed memorable adventures traveling up and down the East Coast of the U.S.
Campgrounds have two types of sites: back-ins and pull-throughs. It takes great finesse to back a large RV into a campsite but Kay was equal to it. Of course, she needed a 'monbacker and that's where I came in.
The 'monbacker stands at the rear of the RV, clearly visible to the driver in one of the rear view mirrors. My first shout of "'monback" was packed with power as it set off the RV's backward motion. My arm movements were carefully coordinated with loud cries of "'monback, 'monback". It was vital that I shift my head and eyes as the vehicle approached to be sure no low-hanging trees wiped out our TV antenna or roof vents.
Kay was especially alert for any interference from male campers who sat and watched her parking finesse from neighboring campsites. When we didn't cry for help, their egos must have been crushed!
Once the RV was secure in its space, the 'monbackers job was over. I had made a satisfying contribution and I savored it all the way to my glass of wine at Happy Hour!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
There was a point in my life when I internalized everything. In fact I spent twenty-five married years biting my tongue because I thought that was the way a wife was supposed to behave.
Kay spent twenty years with an overbearing, manipulative woman she was afraid would walk away from her if she verbalized what she really felt. In the end, she lost her anyway.
An extension of our same sex relationship has been the fertile environment we made for each other: nurturing support, trust and understanding that provided freedom to feel, think and express ourselves. Our bitching and growling at one another resulted in the discovery of other personae living inside our bodies who have struggled for years to be heard. That is what women can do for women.
Volatility needs to exist in a good relationship to keep it healthy. After all, the beauty of a woman is in the passion she shows.
Kay spent twenty years with an overbearing, manipulative woman she was afraid would walk away from her if she verbalized what she really felt. In the end, she lost her anyway.
An extension of our same sex relationship has been the fertile environment we made for each other: nurturing support, trust and understanding that provided freedom to feel, think and express ourselves. Our bitching and growling at one another resulted in the discovery of other personae living inside our bodies who have struggled for years to be heard. That is what women can do for women.
Volatility needs to exist in a good relationship to keep it healthy. After all, the beauty of a woman is in the passion she shows.
Monday, January 14, 2008
KALM PUBLISHING
The basic theme of our book, Sisters by Heart, is our lifestyle and philosophy as two unique Yankees. We discovered you're never too old to try something new which included the development of our publishing company and the decision to self-publish.
Selecting a name for our company was the first important step. To keep it simple, we decided a combination of our initials was what worked the best. We began with "MLK", ML for Mary Lou and K for my same-sex partner, Kay. Then someone said, "That already stands for "milk" or Martin Luther King!" We tried turning the initials around and added an "A" for Kay's last name and came up with, "KAML". The same friends said, "Oh! You're the "camel" company!" Horrors! Finally we decided to reverse my initials and came up with "KALM". This was a sure-fire name because it has kept us "calm" ever since!
We only publish our own work but we do offer proofreading and copy editing services. Check out our website, kalmpublishing.com for more information.
Selecting a name for our company was the first important step. To keep it simple, we decided a combination of our initials was what worked the best. We began with "MLK", ML for Mary Lou and K for my same-sex partner, Kay. Then someone said, "That already stands for "milk" or Martin Luther King!" We tried turning the initials around and added an "A" for Kay's last name and came up with, "KAML". The same friends said, "Oh! You're the "camel" company!" Horrors! Finally we decided to reverse my initials and came up with "KALM". This was a sure-fire name because it has kept us "calm" ever since!
We only publish our own work but we do offer proofreading and copy editing services. Check out our website, kalmpublishing.com for more information.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
THE PERKS OF AGING
In my book, "Sisters by Heart", I talk about the perquisites in being retired and watching one's years accumulate. Kay and I particularly appreciate the luxury of being able to decide at the last minute to take a day trip to one of our favorite places in New England.
We love Ogunquit, Maine - not just because it's a mecca for same-sex couples - but its shops and restaurants are exceptional. Called "beautiful place by the sea" by the Abenaki Indians, Ogunquit is a haven of golden beaches and exquisite scenery and is only an hour and a half from our home. We love to watch the sun come up out of the ocean and in warm weather we walk the beach for a mile in and out of the shallows left by the receding tide.
Because it has so much to offer, Ogunquit is a favorite year 'round day trip. Off-season we're apt to stay overnight in one of the places that allow pets, Our little Yorkie, Rosey, loves the scents from the sea and the many interesting walks.
Getting home is always the best part. There is a quality of peace that home provides - a sanctuary. A quiet place to be ourselves - two aging women, sisters by heart, in a Gay relationship.
We love Ogunquit, Maine - not just because it's a mecca for same-sex couples - but its shops and restaurants are exceptional. Called "beautiful place by the sea" by the Abenaki Indians, Ogunquit is a haven of golden beaches and exquisite scenery and is only an hour and a half from our home. We love to watch the sun come up out of the ocean and in warm weather we walk the beach for a mile in and out of the shallows left by the receding tide.
Because it has so much to offer, Ogunquit is a favorite year 'round day trip. Off-season we're apt to stay overnight in one of the places that allow pets, Our little Yorkie, Rosey, loves the scents from the sea and the many interesting walks.
Getting home is always the best part. There is a quality of peace that home provides - a sanctuary. A quiet place to be ourselves - two aging women, sisters by heart, in a Gay relationship.
Friday, January 11, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
I celebrated my 60th birthday in 1989 by quitting my day job to write full time. I wanted to write about the gay relationship Kay and I shared.
Although I knew writing about my same sex relationship was a risky business, I set aside my concerns about "what will people think?"
I pushed ahead despite my worries and SISTERS BY HEART was so well-received it's now in its second printing! Who knew?
To support my writing habit without a steady income, I knew I had to do something besides write to bring in some money....Social Security was still five years away.
Kay and I decided to open an antique business which we called The Unique Yankee. Although it was far from a gold mine, it provided enough income to cover the cost of my health insurance.
Our favorite selling venues were at weekend outdoor antique shows and flea markets. These events were viable sales opportunities from spring through fall. On Sunday mornings we'd get out of bed at 3 a.m. to be on the road by 4. We'd pack our van the night before and in the morning all we'd have to do was get out of the house and on the road - sometimes our hair was a blizzard of wayward tufts.
We loved selling but were always taken aback by women customers who would spend as much as half an hour handling and falling in love with a certain antique piece. Just at the point we though we'd made a sale she would announce, "I'll have to ask my husband!" Without fail when she returned her husband would take one look at the item she prized so highly and say, "What do you want that for?" and kill the sale. Some women still live in the dark ages.
Same-sex partnerships are just that - partnerships. We are two independent individuals who love one another but neither of us is under the thumb of the other.
Although I knew writing about my same sex relationship was a risky business, I set aside my concerns about "what will people think?"
I pushed ahead despite my worries and SISTERS BY HEART was so well-received it's now in its second printing! Who knew?
To support my writing habit without a steady income, I knew I had to do something besides write to bring in some money....Social Security was still five years away.
Kay and I decided to open an antique business which we called The Unique Yankee. Although it was far from a gold mine, it provided enough income to cover the cost of my health insurance.
Our favorite selling venues were at weekend outdoor antique shows and flea markets. These events were viable sales opportunities from spring through fall. On Sunday mornings we'd get out of bed at 3 a.m. to be on the road by 4. We'd pack our van the night before and in the morning all we'd have to do was get out of the house and on the road - sometimes our hair was a blizzard of wayward tufts.
We loved selling but were always taken aback by women customers who would spend as much as half an hour handling and falling in love with a certain antique piece. Just at the point we though we'd made a sale she would announce, "I'll have to ask my husband!" Without fail when she returned her husband would take one look at the item she prized so highly and say, "What do you want that for?" and kill the sale. Some women still live in the dark ages.
Same-sex partnerships are just that - partnerships. We are two independent individuals who love one another but neither of us is under the thumb of the other.
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