Four days have passed since Kay and I exchanged vows. Kay vowed that "wherever I go, she will go; my family will be her family and my God will be her God too." I promised that "our lives would be intertwined forever - in sickness and health - even death could not separate us because my ashes will be buried with her ashes". (And that's a true statement because we've already purchased an urn large enough to hold two sets of ashes....)
As soon as our Chaplain pronounced us "Partners in Life" the sun came in the window and touched our faces - was this the hand of God?
We've been to the Town Clerk here in Concord, NH and have obtained two copies of our Civil Union Certificate....the paper tells us we're not only legal as a couple but it also gave us a new look at life filled with all the pride and glory this recognition could possibly offer same-sex couples.
I hope and pray our story will inspire other New Hampshire same-gender couples (male or female) to take the same steps we did.
Our book, "Sisters by Heart - Partners in Aging", tells the story of how we met, how we fell in love and what we did to stay young in mind, body and spirit. It's an hilarious account of two women offering a recipe for living that is one of the most meaningful and heartfelt books about gay relationships.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
TWO LEGAL OUTRAGEOUS OLDER WOMEN
On Saturday, February 23, 2008, Kay and I were united in a Civil Union Ceremony. My daughter Amey took part in the service and same-sex partners, Bill and Casper, were witnesses and ring-bearers. The service was performed by Chaplain, Lucy Crichton, who is in the Pastoral Care Department here at Havenwood-Heritage Heights where Kay and I live.
Following the service we had a cake and champagne reception for the dozen guests assembled. That evening we were guests at an intimate dinner at the home of one our friends here on our campus.
Last evening we went out for our own celebration at the Common Man Restaurant in Concord and had roast beef dinners. That was our honeymoon but another will really take place in May when we go to Ogunquit, Maine for a few days.
We've decided to be known as Dr. and Mrs. Kay and Mary Lou Amsden-Fuller - what do you think? Has quite a ring to it, right?
We hope any New Hampshire men or women in a domestic partnership or, if you prefer, alternative lifestyles, will be moved to follow our lead. The legal protection of the state is now ours and remote family members cannot challenge end of life decisions, interfere with hospital visitations or fight wills or try to break trusts.
This is our heartfelt message of the day!
Following the service we had a cake and champagne reception for the dozen guests assembled. That evening we were guests at an intimate dinner at the home of one our friends here on our campus.
Last evening we went out for our own celebration at the Common Man Restaurant in Concord and had roast beef dinners. That was our honeymoon but another will really take place in May when we go to Ogunquit, Maine for a few days.
We've decided to be known as Dr. and Mrs. Kay and Mary Lou Amsden-Fuller - what do you think? Has quite a ring to it, right?
We hope any New Hampshire men or women in a domestic partnership or, if you prefer, alternative lifestyles, will be moved to follow our lead. The legal protection of the state is now ours and remote family members cannot challenge end of life decisions, interfere with hospital visitations or fight wills or try to break trusts.
This is our heartfelt message of the day!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
Tomorrow my son, Josh Fuller, will board a plane in Florida bound for Los Angeles, California. Josh is a hair and make-up designer of considerable note but imagine my surprise when he emailed that one of his clients was flying him to Los Angeles to do her hair and make-up so she would look perfect to attend the Oscars with her husband, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!! I'll be glued to the TV Sunday evening to check out Dany Johnson and "The Rock" on the red carpet!!
Kay and I are looking forward to our Civil Union on Saturday, February 23rd. It means so much to both of us - and to anyone in a same-sex relationship - that one's state legally endorses that relationship by recognizing it and creating a secure future for us. It's especially so in our case because we're so old ourselves but without the protection of the Civil Union we could face serious problems as we face the uncertain future of inheritance, hospital visitations and the possibility of interference from family members in the disposition of estate contents, etc.
We feel truly blessed and hope our readers will salute our alternative lifestyle.
Kay and I are looking forward to our Civil Union on Saturday, February 23rd. It means so much to both of us - and to anyone in a same-sex relationship - that one's state legally endorses that relationship by recognizing it and creating a secure future for us. It's especially so in our case because we're so old ourselves but without the protection of the Civil Union we could face serious problems as we face the uncertain future of inheritance, hospital visitations and the possibility of interference from family members in the disposition of estate contents, etc.
We feel truly blessed and hope our readers will salute our alternative lifestyle.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
EDITING SERVICES
As a writer, I often wonder where do my words fall after they leave my pen and my computer. Who reads what I write? Who sees the humor in the turn of my phrases? Is anyone inspired? Does anyone laugh?
As some of you know, I write regularly for the Senior Beacon monthly publication that covers Southern New Hampshire. My column is titled, "Living On what I Learned after 65". It's sort of a tongue in cheek approach to aging with humor. I've covered a myriad of topics over the years and until this month, have never received a direct response. But this month I wrote about getting in step with modern terms, word meanings and inventions. Such as progressing from out house to farming-out to out-sourcing or Pen Pal to Pay Pal in the blink of a Blog.
I have never actually come right out and said how old I am in any of my articles but imagine my surprise when an 86-year old gal from Plymouth, Massachusetts sent me a letter via the newspaper. She wrote, "I finally found out how much older I am than you because of some of things you wrote about". She's 86 and I'm in my 80th year.
Writing is a hobby, a habit, a catharsis, an addiction at times and at other times a complete frustration when the words simply won't come.
One of the big reasons Kay and I started offering our literary services to other writers is to help them with the process of word-smithing, clarity, sentence structure, etc. If any of our Blog readers are budding writers or even experienced writers, a second pair of eyes on an article, thesis or dissertation is always a good thing.
Please visit our editing services page by clicking on the link to the right and below this entry.
As some of you know, I write regularly for the Senior Beacon monthly publication that covers Southern New Hampshire. My column is titled, "Living On what I Learned after 65". It's sort of a tongue in cheek approach to aging with humor. I've covered a myriad of topics over the years and until this month, have never received a direct response. But this month I wrote about getting in step with modern terms, word meanings and inventions. Such as progressing from out house to farming-out to out-sourcing or Pen Pal to Pay Pal in the blink of a Blog.
I have never actually come right out and said how old I am in any of my articles but imagine my surprise when an 86-year old gal from Plymouth, Massachusetts sent me a letter via the newspaper. She wrote, "I finally found out how much older I am than you because of some of things you wrote about". She's 86 and I'm in my 80th year.
Writing is a hobby, a habit, a catharsis, an addiction at times and at other times a complete frustration when the words simply won't come.
One of the big reasons Kay and I started offering our literary services to other writers is to help them with the process of word-smithing, clarity, sentence structure, etc. If any of our Blog readers are budding writers or even experienced writers, a second pair of eyes on an article, thesis or dissertation is always a good thing.
Please visit our editing services page by clicking on the link to the right and below this entry.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART POINT WITH PRIDE
When my son was a small boy he delighted in designing and cutting the hair on his younger sister's dolls. He would cut and style, cut and style until there wasn't any hair left on the dollies. When the Barbie Dolls hit the toy market he persuaded me to purchase them for him and he would spend hours dressing them and washing and styling their hair.
It was inevitable that he would pursue a career in hair and make-up design and attended a local beauty academy after high school and aced his final exams. During his time at the school I, his mom, was a frequent guinea pig while he practiced facials and hair cutting and styling. It was such a joy to see him develop into the great designer he is today.
He has recently opened his own salon in Miami Beach, Florida called 7 Salon. Please click on the name and leave him a message. Then leave a comment for us, his same-sex partners and mothers at the end of this Blog entry.
It was inevitable that he would pursue a career in hair and make-up design and attended a local beauty academy after high school and aced his final exams. During his time at the school I, his mom, was a frequent guinea pig while he practiced facials and hair cutting and styling. It was such a joy to see him develop into the great designer he is today.
He has recently opened his own salon in Miami Beach, Florida called 7 Salon. Please click on the name and leave him a message. Then leave a comment for us, his same-sex partners and mothers at the end of this Blog entry.
Friday, February 15, 2008
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES
From the start of our same-sex partnership, I wanted Kay to be a viable and visible part of my life. Therefore it was important for me to bring her into my involvements as much as possible and to the extent she would allow. Shy around people, she was most comfortable behind-the-scenes. "I'm a poor chief, but I make a pretty good Indian," she told me.
I was envious of how introspective she was; how readily she knew where she belonged and there was able to make great contributions. I am a risk-taker and I think with my heart. Before I met Kay this often landed me in places I shouldn't have been.
From Kay I began to recognize what's important and what isn't. It's a great lesson learned. Some people belong on the stage; other should work behind it.
Everyone is important and Kay is a perfect example of this.
We're counting the days until our Civil Union.
I was envious of how introspective she was; how readily she knew where she belonged and there was able to make great contributions. I am a risk-taker and I think with my heart. Before I met Kay this often landed me in places I shouldn't have been.
From Kay I began to recognize what's important and what isn't. It's a great lesson learned. Some people belong on the stage; other should work behind it.
Everyone is important and Kay is a perfect example of this.
We're counting the days until our Civil Union.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
SISTERS BY HEART
On two occasions, in other times and places, I had exchanged vows to "love and honor.....in sickness and in health". No such spoken pledge has ever existed between Kay and me and yet, whenever the darkness of crisis descends, we reach out to each other with unselfish concern. We have each said, "My life is upside down when things aren't right in yours."
Some years ago, Kay fell from the roof of our house when the ladder slid out from under her. After calling 911 and covering her with a blanket, I knelt beside her on the ground and began to pray. As I prayed it was revealed to me the very breadth of all my same-sex partner had come to mean to me. "I know she's an aging lady but she's my partner in life and please don't let her die.We have so much more to do."
Kay prayed similarly when I had food poisoning so deadly I lost consciousness and ended up in the emergency room.
We listen more and more to the crones within. Wisely, they have shed light on the importance of compassionate coping "in sickness and in health". And now that we are on the threshold of our Civil Union, these vows take on an even more special meaning.
Some years ago, Kay fell from the roof of our house when the ladder slid out from under her. After calling 911 and covering her with a blanket, I knelt beside her on the ground and began to pray. As I prayed it was revealed to me the very breadth of all my same-sex partner had come to mean to me. "I know she's an aging lady but she's my partner in life and please don't let her die.We have so much more to do."
Kay prayed similarly when I had food poisoning so deadly I lost consciousness and ended up in the emergency room.
We listen more and more to the crones within. Wisely, they have shed light on the importance of compassionate coping "in sickness and in health". And now that we are on the threshold of our Civil Union, these vows take on an even more special meaning.
Monday, February 11, 2008
PARTNERS IN LIFE
In our pre-retirement days, there were occasions when Kay made solo trips to a professional conference or I went to a function that kept me away overnight. Each of us was disturbed by these separations although it wasn't until retirement that we actually discussed it.
Kay said, "I didn't know what to do with myself when you weren't here. I felt like half a person."
When left alone we kept notes of small events that passed through our days, things we wanted to share with each other when we were reunited. No one else would find them interesting but by then we knew how each of us looked at our life within our same-sex partnership.
I would look at Kay when she returned from a trip. I tried to read her face and see in her eyes the story of her feelings as she came through the door. I saw nothing but love.
Getting home is the best part, whether forced to travel alone or on trips together. There is a quality of peace that home provides, a quiet place to talk about our thoughts and feelings and our domestic partnership. Home is a comfortable haven where words are unnecessary, a sanctuary where nobody hears the drums or sees the dance.
Kay said, "I didn't know what to do with myself when you weren't here. I felt like half a person."
When left alone we kept notes of small events that passed through our days, things we wanted to share with each other when we were reunited. No one else would find them interesting but by then we knew how each of us looked at our life within our same-sex partnership.
I would look at Kay when she returned from a trip. I tried to read her face and see in her eyes the story of her feelings as she came through the door. I saw nothing but love.
Getting home is the best part, whether forced to travel alone or on trips together. There is a quality of peace that home provides, a quiet place to talk about our thoughts and feelings and our domestic partnership. Home is a comfortable haven where words are unnecessary, a sanctuary where nobody hears the drums or sees the dance.
Friday, February 8, 2008
CIVIL UNION
As I write this Blog entry, February 23rd is a little over two weeks away. The date is important to us for two reasons -
First, we have been together in a same-sex partnership for 28 years on that date;
And secondly, it's the date of our Civil Union Ceremony. The State of New Hampshire finally saw the light last year and the state legislature passed a Civil Union bill to become effective January 1, 2008. Naturally we're very excited.
If we had the time to get away, we'd go to the Highlands Inn in Bethlehem, New Hampshire. Several years ago we spent three glorious days and nights in a cottage there. The setting is magnificent, lots of walks to take and best of all, we could bring Rosey, our Yorkshire Terrier.
Two years ago we had a Union Blessing Ceremony in our church, First Church Congregational, UCC in Rochester, New Hampshire. This is an Open & Affirming church which means same-sex couples can have a blessing ceremony in the church sanctuary.
Following that service, we did have a trip back to our favorite "place by the sea", Ogunquit, Maine.
First, we have been together in a same-sex partnership for 28 years on that date;
And secondly, it's the date of our Civil Union Ceremony. The State of New Hampshire finally saw the light last year and the state legislature passed a Civil Union bill to become effective January 1, 2008. Naturally we're very excited.
If we had the time to get away, we'd go to the Highlands Inn in Bethlehem, New Hampshire. Several years ago we spent three glorious days and nights in a cottage there. The setting is magnificent, lots of walks to take and best of all, we could bring Rosey, our Yorkshire Terrier.
Two years ago we had a Union Blessing Ceremony in our church, First Church Congregational, UCC in Rochester, New Hampshire. This is an Open & Affirming church which means same-sex couples can have a blessing ceremony in the church sanctuary.
Following that service, we did have a trip back to our favorite "place by the sea", Ogunquit, Maine.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
LITERARY SERVICES
The professional editing services Kay and I offer have been flourishing in the past six months. We've edited a 150-page dissertation for a PhD candidate, a manuscript for a budding author and had progress conferences with them as well. The conferences are an extra charge over and above the editing rate but it's a healthy meeting for the author and editor during which writing style and word flow can be more fully discussed. We've also edited articles for an ongoing client in addition to editing the foreword of her next publication. So our literary service is alive and well.
I also conduct a writing workshop for retirees in which I go into considerable depth on the topic of memoir writing which is the most valuable gift one can leave for the children, grandchildren and great-greats.
A most unusual project was proposed by our local television station in which the workshop group was asked to write Legacy Letters to local high school seniors in which the writers passed on lessons learned in their own growing-up years that would be valuable for the young people of today.
Editing is an exciting job because I find myself playing an important role in giving life to the author's words!
I also conduct a writing workshop for retirees in which I go into considerable depth on the topic of memoir writing which is the most valuable gift one can leave for the children, grandchildren and great-greats.
A most unusual project was proposed by our local television station in which the workshop group was asked to write Legacy Letters to local high school seniors in which the writers passed on lessons learned in their own growing-up years that would be valuable for the young people of today.
Editing is an exciting job because I find myself playing an important role in giving life to the author's words!
Friday, February 1, 2008
A HOROSCOPE SURPRISE
I don't want to belabor the subject of aging but now that I'm a day into my 80th year (that's how you say you're 79 my same sex partner, Kay, told me) I feel moved to share some of my birthday horoscope that appeared in New Hampshire's largest newspaper yesterday.
You have cultivated your entertaining personality because you want to be heard. You have a message and you want to be appreciated for your beliefs and values. In the year ahead your relationship will be blessed.
This is a truly uncanny prediction because I do have a message about alternative lifestyles, which I have espoused ever since Kay and I met 28 years ago...and that is the incredible strength a woman has to offer another woman. It's so much more than the same-sex partnership label that the non-educated want to hang on us.
I know already our relationship has been blessed and we will carry it one step further when we have our Civil Union Ceremony the 23rd of this month. Then our Gay relationship will be sanctioned by the State of New Hampshire.
You have cultivated your entertaining personality because you want to be heard. You have a message and you want to be appreciated for your beliefs and values. In the year ahead your relationship will be blessed.
This is a truly uncanny prediction because I do have a message about alternative lifestyles, which I have espoused ever since Kay and I met 28 years ago...and that is the incredible strength a woman has to offer another woman. It's so much more than the same-sex partnership label that the non-educated want to hang on us.
I know already our relationship has been blessed and we will carry it one step further when we have our Civil Union Ceremony the 23rd of this month. Then our Gay relationship will be sanctioned by the State of New Hampshire.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
